I Never Understood
by moodygirl6
Summary: Hermione never understood what her parents meant when they said 'i love you' but now as she reflects back on her time at Hogwarts, she finally does


I Never Understood

I never understood what my parents meant when they said 'I love you' but somehow ever since I met him. Those are the only words that run through my mind. I try not to think about him, but it seems worrying or thinking about him keeps me sane, no matter how insane that sounds.

People are always telling me how smart I am or how perfect I am, with everything I do. But I don't see it as smarts or perfection, I see it as a need to help him with anything and everthing that gets thrown at him. No matter what the outcome. Besides I see scars as way of telling a story about the person they are on. They define you tell the story that is you. The one scar that stands out from the others is the scar which was caused by Dolohov in the Department of Mysteries.

All I could think about as the spell hit me was would I hear him laugh again, play Quidditch again or for him to give me that lopsided grin everyone loves.

Over the years I've seen him grow and become this amazing selfless person. And watching him take the whole of the wizarding world on his shoulders is a burden I don't think anyone else could freely undertake. Nowadays he's mostly found sitting in the common room in front of the fire staring but not really looking. Occasionally an emotion would pass over his face but it would be gone as quick as it came. His eyes used to be a vibrant emerald green that could captivate anyone, now they are dull gone of the sparkle they once held and the fighting spirit within him, they are so dull they could be mistaken for black if you had never seen him before.

I often wonder if it was my fault that Sirius died. I mean if i'd have tried harder to stop him from going then maybe he would still has his godfather and a link to his parents.

When I met Harry he was a weedy, scared 11 year old who had only just recently found out about this whole other world that he belonged to. Now today when I look at him I see a boy who has had to grow into a man way before he should ever had to.

People always miss judge him and say he is dangerous and mentally unstable, but the people who truely know him will only see a scared little boy who hides behind the pretense of a man who has to fight the fight which could change the world in more ways than one, and yet he doesn't run, he stays and fights for what his parents stood for and so many others did who were killed by that monster.

Lately everything has changed and I can't seem to get him out of my head long enough to figure out the reason why. Everywhere I go he's there making me smile and laugh as he used to. Now I can't help but notice the way he walks and carries himself and what playing Qudditch has done to his body. I just can't stop imagining what it would be like to wake up with his arms around me. The other day Lavendar being the gossip she is, totally threw me for one, she said that I was in love with Harry, but he's my best friend and it just wouldn't be fair on Ron.

So I started to make a list as to why I like Harry and why I like Ron and then half way through writing the lists I just stopped and remembered what it is like to be around both of them and how safe I feel with each of them. With Ron all I felt was what anyone would feel towards thier brother, whereas with Harry I felt so...right lie back in 3rd year when we saved Sirius from the Dementor's kiss. When we were out there just the 2 of us I felt so at home even with a werewolf chasing us I wasn't scared because Harry was there experiencing the same things as me.

I guess I do love Harry in a way I shouldn't seen as though he has Ginny and they are made for each other, cause everyone says they are the spitting image of Harry's parents. But a girl can dream right, and maybe he will see sense that dating someone who looks like your mom is kind of disturbing, knowing Harry I think he is trying toimagine what his mum would act like and the sort of things she would say. So i'll sit and wait for the day that may never come, but if it does i'll be waiting right where this whole thing started, in front of the fire in the Gryffindor common room, where I will almost always be found with my head stuck in the latest book that caught my eye.


End file.
